City Living

By Steven Jones

City living isn't for everyone. It gets messy, crowded, stinky, loud, scary, and downright weird. Sometimes people block your car even when you have a green light and pound their fists on your hood if you honk. They wear outrageous costumes, play silly games, and follow ridiculous trends. They yell and laugh too loud right outside your window when you're trying to sleep. Occasionally they pee in your doorway, graffiti your wall, grab your ass, or barf on your shoes.

But that's city living, and I love it.

If you want clean and orderly, there are plenty of small towns and suburbs to choose from. You can probably even get front and back yards and a roomy house big enough for 2.5 children and assorted pets for what you're paying for your apartment here. Tempting? Then you should do it. Really. We'll all be very supportive of your decision to leave if it comes to that, no hard feelings. I might even help you pack and find a new occupant for your place.

But if you want to shut down our party or expect us to dance around your delicate sensibilities, we're gonna have to fight. And guess what? We'll win. There are more of us in this crazy town than there are of you ... and we aren't afraid. We dodge SUVs on bicycles, brush past ranting lunatics, stand tall against cops in riot gear, pierce painful parts, bring strange people home to do unspeakable things, cavort with revolutionaries, and take way too many drugs. So there's no way we're caving in to the NIMBYs, the conservatives, or the complainers who want to banish our beloved chaos.

The Guardian has long embraced true city living, from the Summer of Love and its hordes of hippies to the summer of 2007, when our glorious urban messiness is being threatened by the forces of gentrification, corporatization, homogenization, normalization, and stagnation. Once-radical neighborhoods like the Castro and the Haight are increasingly filled with aging homeowners, some of whom have grown frustrated with aspects of city living they once embraced.

Increasingly, however, these tragic naysayers are being confronted by groups such as the San Francisco Party Party, which was created to oppose the forces that are suburbanizing our great city. Last Halloween I donned a beard and stovepipe hat and joined the Party Party's Abe Lincoln brigades as they cruised the Castro. Why Abe? Why not? Two dozen Abes strolled past the phalanxes of cops on overtime whose presence the nervous Nellies had urged (and who couldn't stop violence from breaking out anyway), whooping it up until the party was shut down at the ridiculously early hour of 10:30 p.m. and city water trucks chased the partyers away, a sight that almost made us weep - and provoked the crowd into a state of restless frustration.

City living is about keeping the party going, not ending it. It's a massive pillow fight in Justin Herman Plaza. It's placing your body and bike in front of the angry guy in the Hummer who wants to cut through Critical Mass. It's the drunken decision to get another tattoo or the hungry impulse to try an unfamiliar taquería. It's wearing a chicken suit to confront a cowardly mayor. It's watching Willy Wonka or the World Cup on massive screens in Dolores Park that somebody set up just because they thought it would be cool. It's a bonfire on Ocean Beach, a blog argument over the latest city hall scandal, a giant purple head suddenly appearing in Golden Gate Park, street dancing at the late, lamented How Weird Street Faire, a bunch of wasted Santas bar crawling through North Beach, a sunny afternoon at Zeitgeist, a shopping trip to the Haight for a good pair of Burning Man goggles.

Or maybe for you it's something else, something I've never thought or heard of, just some eccentric thing you and your freaky friends like to do. San Francisco has thousands of dynamic social pockets, big and small, each with its own passions, routines, and language. And not all civically spirited events are exotic, either. I've felt the abstract joy of the Bay descend during the most pedestrian of tasks, like when this great old guy in the Mission fixed the loose soles on my combat boots (bought used on Haight for $20 a few months ago and walked down many wild paths since) and made me a new key for my dog walker, a woman whose control over a large and combustible crew of canines borders on the miraculous.

Whatever our ideas of city living may be, there's a reason we're all living in the city, making San Francisco what it is. Some of the corporate-owned publications in town seem to enjoy mocking the free-living, forward-thinking sensibilities we embrace, dismissively deploying their "only in San Francisco" eye roll or casting progressives as somehow floating outside the country's political spectrum.

Don't let them put a ding in your wa, as my DJ friend Syd Gris likes to say. We know that it's the rest of the country that's the problem, not us. Luckily, there are a million things to do in this beautiful and bountiful city while we wait for the rest of the world to catch up.

Editor's Picks

BEST VIEWS BEFORE LIFTOFF

The only drawback to the totally rad art and design exhibits displayed throughout the various terminals of SFO - brought to us by the civic-minded folks of San Francisco Airport Museums - is that you need a boarding pass to see most of them. But once you doff your shoes and manage to make it past the scanners, you can enjoy the various absorbing collections on view. A wonderful recent show was "The History of Audio: The Engineering of Sound." Curated in partnership with Dolby, it boasted two long aisles of glass display cases covering 130 years of audio inventions, from Thomas Edison's original sound recorder right up to the iPod. Shows currently on display include "Dining Aloft: Airline Meal Service Settings," "Aquarium: Underwater Planet," and "Bali and Java: Folk Art and Tradition."

www.sfoarts.com

BEST CONSERVATIONIST OF PRECIOUS RESOURCES

Sup. Ed Jew is surely the most committed environmentalist in San Francisco. He almost never uses water, at least according to the utility bills for the Sunset "home" where he told voters he was living when he ran for the Board of Supervisors' District 4 seat last year. It's as if Jew has successfully avoided any traces of affluenza, proving that unbridled consumption isn't an inevitability in materialism-driven America. And at a time when San Francisco is experiencing severe water shortages, who's setting a better example in city hall? Jew, it seems, is willing to sacrifice smooth and manageable hair for the sake of the planet. Either that or he spends most of his time at a Burlingame residence - definitely not within District 4's purview - where his wife and child live. That's what the district attorney believes. So does the city attorney. Wretched skeptics! Hell, we'll take some minor feds-suspected payoffs (another headline grabber for the supe) in exchange for a pol as committed to green policies as Ed Jew. Earth first!

BEST WASH 'N' FOLD ART

The city doesn't get more lefty, local, and loony than Bernal Heights - and tiny new Laundromat Bernal Bubbles could hardly be more Bernal. Signs tout free wi-fi, the fact that "se habla español," and extremely reasonable wash-and-fold rates. Passersby are charmed by the corkboard "sock exchange" and kids' art exhibit. And on the first Saturday of each month at 10 p.m., local artists and critics lecture in the Soap Box Series. Scheduled speakers include postporn feminist Annie Sprinkle, Art Car Fest founder Philo Northrup, and robotics artist and professor Ken Goldberg. Turns out the place is owned by local sculptor Ray Beldner - a guy whose works include art made with dollar bills, Internet porn, and stuff he stole from his friends. After the half-hour talks, the crowd moves up the street to the 301 Bocana Gallery for a social call, then hits the neighborhood bars for some good, clean fun.

397 Cortland, SF. (415) 821-9530, www.bernalbubbles.com

BEST HYPERINTELLECTUAL SHOW-AND-TELL

Pecha Kucha - Japanese for chitchat - began in 2003 in Tokyo as a way for emerging designers to share ideas. The wildly popular concept has now caught on here, with San Franciscan chitchatters meeting every last Wednesday evening of the month, usually at 330 Ritch. The format is simple: presenters curate a 20-image slide show about their creative work; each slide is shown for exactly 20 seconds; and each night has an overarching (and often disregarded) theme. Anyone can sign up, though it's mostly designers and artists talking about their work - which can range from Burning Man sculptures to mass-market furniture. But you never really know what you're going to get: recent nights have seen a writer, a couple of software developers, a social engineer presenting an interesting theoretical exercise, and a creative vacationer with some gorgeous images of plate tectonics in the Colorado basin, graffiti in Australia, and the state of socialist architecture in Eastern Europe.

www.pechakucha-sf.com

BEST PUBLIC MINDSCAPE SCULPTOR

He's well known to the Burning Man crowd for his fantastical contributions over the years, but local artist Pepe Ozan's sculptures have increasingly been taking up residence in San Francisco. Thanks in part to the Black Rock Arts Foundation, Ozan's heady giant purple cranium The Dreamer was recently installed for a six-month stint near the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park, much to the delight of children and other whimsically inclined sorts. Although his colorful Monicacos sculptures, which presided over the opening of India Basin Shoreline Park in Hunters Point last year, were a temporary arrangement, his giant eagle warrior statue, The Invocation, has found a permanent home at the entrance to the 101 north on-ramp along César Chávez Boulevard. Residing in the Bay Area for more than three decades and contributing to Burning Man since its inception, Ozan has continued to create imaginative and engaging works to match the fertile landscape of the San Francisco mind frame, leaving us to wonder what he'll think up next.

BEST PARANORMAL SLEUTHS

In a city of so many passionate souls, it's little surprise that some of them have chosen to linger beyond their time. The mysterious Lady of Stow Lake, the strange whispers in the corridors of Alcatraz - San Francisco has more than its share of enduring tales of ghostly encounters. Lucky for us, we also have the San Francisco Ghost Society to archive and investigate all things paranormal around the Bay. Founded by local ghost historian Tommy Netzband (creator of the Haunted Haight walking tour), the SFGS offers free and confidential investigations to help city residents sort out their haunted happenings. And if your creaky old Victorian apartment happens to be poltergeist free, you can still tune in to the society's online webcast, Supernatural San Francisco, for the latest updates on all things going bump in the foggy night.

www.sfghostsociety.org

BEST EMERGENCY TUNEAGE

It's a common predicament for those who like to pretend they're Chopin on quiet weeknights: one squats on the bench and launches into a hopefully flawless rendition of the Piano Sonata no. 2 in B-flat Minor, op. 35, only to discover with dismay that the high C screeches like an alley cat in heat. Now the night's ruined, with nothing else to do but watch Seinfeld reruns and lament one's ailing Steinway Model D Concert Grand. But what's this? There's a service that'll tune your bad boy right up? Well, yes, there are many - but one in particular towers above the rest: Bay Area Piano Service. The company has tuned pianos for Santana and Starship, among other worthies, and has three locations in the East Bay. With a flat rate of $90 in an industry in which charges can go well above the $100 mark, the deal is harmoniously sealed.

1378 MacArthur, Oakl. (510) 531-4361, www.bayareapiano.net

BEST SCHOOL OF THE ROCKIN'EST

Fourteen years ago, long before Jack Black scolded those private school kids for not getting the Led out, session musicians Steve Gibson and Jeremy Steinkoler founded Bandworks, an institution that has since helped countless kids, teens, and adults from San Rafael to San Jose live out their dreams of playing their favorite songs to audiences outside their own living room. Since Bandworks' initial sessions in a single room in Berkeley, the program has expanded to three recording studios and seven after-school programs throughout the Bay Area (much appreciated in this age of school arts cutbacks); the organization has even put on shows in Ireland, courtesy of U2's the Edge. You don't need to be a guitar whiz and go through tense auditions to enroll in Bandworks - snobbish Juilliard it ain't. Nor do you even need to play guitar, drums, or any other standard rock instrument. Everyone from young Hendrixian prodigies to beginner flutists, violinists, and conga players is welcome.

2034 Blake, Ste. 9, Berk. (510) 843-2263, www.bandworks.com

BEST CHANCE OF GETTING BITTEN BY (OR SMITTEN WITH) A VAMPIRE

Amid the glowing opulence of Nob Hill lies a dark realm of the undead. (And we're not talking about the Pacific-Union Club.) Every Friday and Saturday night at 8 p.m., 127-year-old vampire Mina Harker (a.k.a. Kitty Burns) brings to life bloodsucking tales of the past - intermingled with lesser-known San Francisco history - memorable enough to sink into flush youths and pale elders alike. The two-hour San Francisco Vampire Tour commences at Huntington Park and leads participants to ghoulish haunts such as Grace Cathedral, the Fairmont Hotel, and the Nob Hill Café. Mina divulges secrets of her thirsty community, such as the right way to kill a vampire (hint: Buffy would have been a goner before she made it to TV) and how vampires played a role in the creation of BART. Her often humorous, sometimes chilling, frequently sexy stories have had even dyed-in-the-wool skeptics shielding their necks by the end.

1-866-4-BITTEN, www.sfvampiretour.com

BEST WHETTER FOR YOUR WüSTHOFS

Anyone who's worked in a kitchen knows that while chefs care about food, they really care about knives. You better keep your chopper sharp; if it can't split hairs, you're out of there. This is as much for your own health as for proper mincing technique; wielding a dull blade could lead to much more than just your heart and soul poured into that elaborate bouillabaisse. (Sorry! Gross.) Working rather conveniently across the street from the California Culinary Academy's main branch, the hot whetters at Razor Sharp Cutlery will keep you edgy without slicing into your schedule. Plus, if you're looking to add to your collection of kitchen cutlasses, Razor Sharp sells an impressive selection of fine Japanese and German blades, from Masamoto and Kikuichi to F Dick and Benchmade. And don't worry if you're new to the high-end slice-and-dice scene: the shop's sharp staff can help you decide between a Mac and a Messermeister or direct you toward the box of affordable retired models.

634 Polk, SF. (415) 776-0110

BEST GREEN PACKAGE TOUR

Used to be that visitors to the Bay made San Francisco their main destination, with maybe a quick visit to such select surrounding spots as Muir Woods, Napa Valley, Sausalito, or even Berkeley - but certainly not the dreaded and feared city of Oakland. Those pre-dank days are over, though, with the recent addition of such attractions as the Oaksterdam Tour, which are drawing a new breed of tourist - one with a taste for the sticky-icky - to that once ostracized city. A lively concentration of medical marijuana clubs has popped up around Telegraph Avenue in downtown Oakland in the wake of changing cannabis laws, and this unique tour, organized by the Oaksterdam News, guides bud fans through the weed nexus and beyond. The $1,000 package for two includes a two-night hotel stay, a limo, an Oaksterdam gift bag, a Lake Merritt Boating Experience, and a 420-themed Oaksterdam VIP tour. Smoke 'em if you got 'em, Oaktown.

(510) 836-4438, www.oaksterdamnews.com

BEST NIMBLE THIMBLES

It's the night before your dear sister's nuptials, and that hideous bridesmaid's dress is hanging like a parachute in the back of your closet. Or you have a major interview in the morning and have discovered that the beer gut you acquired during those months of unemployment doesn't squeeze into your best hire-me-now suit. Why is it that right when you need a superstar tailor most, you don't have the time to shop around for one? Too bad the expert employees of Cable Car Tailors can't help you tease out this philosophical dilemma: they're too busy saving your curvy, ever-redimensionalizing ass. Again. The Union Square staple has been around for almost 25 years, hemming your denim, shortening your sleeves, and hiding your desk-job corpulence. The tiny upstairs shop is always bustling and only accepts cash - but for hustle, precision, and perfection every time, Cable Car should be on your speed dial.

200 O'Farrell, SF. (415) 781-4636

BEST HEIR TO FERLINGHETTI

These days, anyone with a personal computer and a pipe dream fancies him- or herself a writer. So much so that if you have an interest in separating the extraordinary from the mediocre, you're faced with a choice: spend the rest of your days sifting through piles of self-published and often self-aggrandizing dribble, hoping to find the next Allen Ginsberg (although we can only imagine his blog) - or let Logan Ryan Smith do the dirty work for you. The San Francisco writer was the publisher of Small Town Press, an irreverent, eclectic, and daring vehicle for the disembodied poets of our time. And though Smith recently pulled the plug on the Small Town operation, he's using his penchant for finding the best underrepresented writing talents around in the service of a new chapbook series, Transmission Press. Carrying the torch of dissident publishers from San Francisco's literary heyday, Smith understands the worth of the word and is working like crazy to make exceptional literature accessible.

www.transmissionpress.blogspot.com

BEST SOMA SPA OASIS

We don't always agree with Allure magazine - in fact, we probably disagree more often than not. But it was spot-on when it declared Polished Lounge one of the best mani-pedi providers in the country. The SoMa oasis is just the place for spa-quality services at shopping-center prices. Consider, for example, the Paradise Found special: one-hour pedi, neck wraps, foot masks, paraffin, and a leg-and-foot massage - for $35. For that price, you'd be hard-pressed to get someone to do as much as look at you in most places this cute, comfortable, and service oriented. Here, though, you can sip tea, nibble a fresh strawberry, and soak your toes among rose petals for less than a parking ticket. And since the staff are actually good at what they do, you won't have to get another mani or pedi for a while. But you may find yourself wanting to revisit Polished ahead of schedule anyway.

470 Third St., SF. (415) 543-0993, www.polishedlounge.com

BEST PLACE TO STASH YOUR RELATIVES

We all know everyone loves San Francisco. One aspect of the city or another is bound to win people over - the old Victorians, the iconic Golden Gate, the Summer of Love, or that cheesy yet immortal Tony Bennett song. But sometimes that love can bite you in the ass - or rather, your foldout couch. A visiting distant cousin, parent, sibling, ex-lover, or mutual friend can put a serious cramp in your style, not to mention hog your hot water. Fret no longer! Tell your next boarders to take BART from the airport and make their way to the charming, centrally located Hayes Valley Inn. After they unpack, you'll meet them for dinner in one of the many restaurants the neighborhood has to offer (on them, of course). With rooms starting at $73 a night, the European-style pension is an accommodating compromise between your living room and the exorbitant corpo-hotels in Union Square.

417 Gough, SF. (415) 431-9131, hayesvalleyinn.com

BEST GLITZ DEPOT

Of course you care about the environment. Your apartment is oh so perfect in its recycled shabby chic glory, thanks to Craig's wonderful list. You belong to City Car Share, shop at Rainbow, and have a planter box of herbs on your fire escape. But when you bought a ticket for the party on the playa and found out Burning Man's going green, you were stumped. How are you going to sizzle in the desert without the glitz and glamour of a few new outfits? Never fear ... the Depot is here. With baubles and bangles, paints and inks, and fabric and Mylar bits galore, the East Bay Depot for Creative Re-use is the perfect stop for any items your active and fashionable life calls for - and it's all recycled. Stop in for supplies to decorate your bike, your body, or your car, whether you can afford that wild week in the desert or not.

4695 Telegraph, Oakl. (510) 547-6470, www.east-bay-depot.org

BEST HOME DELIVERY

The natural-birth resurgence of the '70s gestated, was delivered, and suckled right here in the Bay Area. After 30 years the movement has grown into a well-respected alternative to highly medicated and medicalized birth. While local hospitals have cesarean rates as high as 25 percent and give epidural anesthesia to 70 percent or more of their patients, planned home births with licensed midwives are consistently associated with fewer medical interventions and have been shown to be as safe as hospital births. For families who prefer to give birth in the safety and comfort of their homes, the staff of the Bay Area Homebirth Collective offer childbirth preparation classes, labor assistance, and midwifery care to women in every corner of the Bay Area. The members of the collective come from diverse backgrounds, and all are experienced, licensed, and committed advocates of natural birth. Just as good: they won't make you wear one of those tiny peekaboo paper gowns.

(415) 273-5185 www.bayareahomebirth.org

BEST PIMPED-OUT PET PALACE

If you're going to dress your pooch in doggie-sweater Dior, why would you put her up at a kennel Motel 6? A much better fit for your fashion-forward furry nummy-kins is Wag Hotel. The swank pad for pups and pussies features everything from clean rooms and soft beds to play groups, special treats, and spa services. And that's just for them. For you, Wag offers in-room cameras so you can keep an eye on Fifi from afar (creepy!), 24-hour service so you can spend every last moment with Muffin before your trip, and a retail shop so you can spoil Spot when you return. Add grooming, day care, and accommodations for special needs, and you've got the kind of kennel where Paris might keep Tinkerbell. Of course, some might argue that it's the kind of place only Paris could afford - but hey, you could always stay at Motel 6.

25 14th St., SF. 1-888-924-5463, www.waghotels.com

BEST SPICE OF LIFE

Next time you see a brown-skinned girl standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop, don't be so quick to write her off as just another around-the-way girl. She may very well be en route to a fine-arts museum, a Stanford University campus tour, or a provocative roundtable discussion on racism, nutrition, or career development. Cinnamongirl Inc. (CGI), an Oakland nonprofit mentorship program founded in 2003 by women's activist Renée Richard-Smith, exposes 12- to 14-year-old Latina and African American girls to a world beyond the limits of the Bay Area transit system. Cinnamongirls learn to critique and restructure their environment via instructive interactions with a dedicated mélange of volunteer mentors whose professional backgrounds range from pediatrics to painting and politics. At 15, girls become junior mentors, a position that enables them to exercise their acquired leadership skills, assist in CGI's program planning, and serve as role models to their younger "sisters." Girls eventually leave the program as confident young women, prepped for life's wild ride.

(510) 531-4740, www.cinnamongirl.org

BEST HUMAN BODY SHOP

Two blocks south of the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art on Third Street, you'll find the only body shop you'll ever need: Psoas Massage and Bodywork. Specializing in sports injuries and clinical massage, the seven in-house therapists approach skewed skeletons and moaning muscles with a holistic view of the body. From everyday ergonomic casualties to chronic maladies of the frame, their manual wizardry will help reenergize the nerve passageways that keep your chi properly tuned (years of experience have elevated these folks to gatekeepers of metaphysical well-being). Or if it's a simple "Had a hard day?" massage you need, consider it done; gentle or firm, it's up to you. And as evidenced by the mix CDs softly piped into each massage room, they have pretty great taste in music. Come on, make it hurt so good!

333 Third St., SF. (415) 227-0331, www.psoasbodywork.com

BEST TURF UNITY

They're mobilized, under 30, rep the 510 and the 415, and fuse activism with art and music to confront street violence in their communities, which laid to rest almost 150 of their peers last year. But when the all-night vigils commemorating the slain draw to a close, the youths of Silence the Violence, an initiative of the Ella Baker Center for Human Rights, creatively push for change. Members advocate at City Hall for better youth programs, gain confidence by learning to speak before crowds, and perform self-produced songs about turf unity and conflict resolution at neighborhood events. By interacting with Ella's team of world-class activists, members also receive ongoing leadership training and positive contact with youths from sister programs plus help with employment assistance, community college matriculation, record expungement, police mediation, health care, and counseling.

344 40th St., Oakl. (510) 428-3939, www.ellabakercenter.org/stv

BEST AURAL TRANSPORTER

Aloe Blacc, Dobet Gnahore, Zaman 8 ... no, these aren't ingredients for some exotic recipe, unless you've got a taste for global grooves and your favorite dish is getting down (OK, that was a real groaner, but we couldn't help ourselves). DJ Victoria Z on KPFA, 94.1 FM, spins tunes from the artists listed above and those from many, many more unpronounceable acts on her Tuesday morning Music of the World show. Victoria's knack for finding border-transcending songs transports us to another time and place - even though many of her selections are current releases and many of the musicians featured have strong connections to the Bay Area. Eclecticism is the glue that holds the grooves together; on an average show you might hear South African activist and folk singer Miriam Makeba followed by Venezuelan retro goofs the Pinker Tones. Funny thing is, they sound great together. We were particularly grateful when she introduced us to Balkan Beat Box; the group's name pretty much sums up its sound, and it's the first band we've found that's made fans of us, our parents, and our kids. Victoria posts her playlists on her Web site - a lifesaver for those of us who have trouble remembering how to spell Aterciopelados or Cheikha Rimitti when faced with the iTunes search box.

www.fatchancla.com, www.kpfa.org

BEST RITZY SUDS

If you live in Russian Hill and are trying to explain your neighborhood's character to an outsider, consider noting that your local launderette has mood lighting. That isn't only ritzy feature at the fabulously stylish, preciously named the Missing Sock (it narrowly edges Hayes Valley's Don't Call It Frisco for the city's best launderette handle) on leafy Hyde Street. Scoffing at the proley troubles of the average washer (pesky lint slides, unsanitary quarters), the Sock offers brand-new digital driers in handsome brushed steel, water-saving washers, and coin-free operation. That's just the technical stuff; the furnishings are what really distinguish the place. Reclining deck chairs ensure a low-stress wait, and walls are done up in a soothing sea foam color. But the soft illumination inside is the final coup; you haven't truly folded until you've done it while being perfectly lit.

1958 Hyde, SF. (415) 673-5640

BEST LOW-EMISSIONS TRANSMISSION

Mark Gruberg, a taxi driver of 20 years, was tired of getting a whopping 12 miles to the gallon in his company-issued Crown Victoria. So he cofounded a taxi cooperative that made the iconoclastic transition from yellow to green, literally, and put gas guzzlers to shame. SF Green Cab hit the streets on April 25, flaunting its ideology on two brightly painted Priuses averaging 40 miles per gallon (city). The company's eight green cabbies can pride themselves on a great deal, both environmentally (the Priuses emit 75 percent less carbon dioxide than the Crown Victorias) and economically (Green Cab maintains the same rates as other city taxis). The now-four-cab fleet promises to be the post-last call mode of greenerati transportation, and it brings the city one step closer to keeping Mayor Gavin Newsom's boisterous promise of having only clean-and-green taxis on the streets by 2011 (though we hope Green Cab doesn't have to do the rest all on its own).

(415) 626-GREEN, www.sfgreencab.com

BEST NAP SPECIALISTS

Some folks like it kinky - their hair, that is! But not all nappy-headed citizens know where to turn when their unbreakable combs start breaking. Since 1989 the self-proclaimed nap specialists at Oakland's Oh! My Nappy Hair have been pioneers in styling African-textured hair. Specialists talk shop with you as they comb (carefully, of course), twist, dye, cut, or chemically straighten your kinks into inspired or in-demand styles, from chestnut-tinged dreadlocks to a bone-straight bob, from Senegalese twists to a wow-factor weave. Park yourself in one of the same chairs coveted by Stevie Wonder, Halle Berry, and a host of other celebs who've already entrusted their naps to this family-owned salon. You need to get your comb-breaking self on over here - whether by bus, BART, car, or foot - thumb through a few of the snapshot portfolios featuring the finished dos of other nappy-to-happy patrons, and let a specialist turn your don't into a do.

33 19th St., Oakl. (510) 839-3877, www.ohmynappyhair.com

BEST PIT LOVE

Most of us are truly terrified of something: spiders, carbs, dentists, heights, dogs. But if you've ever crossed the street to avoid passing an owner-controlled pit bull or mentally played out scenes from Cujo at the mere sight of your neighbor's fenced-in bully, then BAD RAP (Bay Area Doglovers Responsible About Pit Bulls) has an organic, heart-shaped doggy bone to pick with you. Although empathetic, this rescue organization aims to school you on the oft-demonized American pit bull terrier and allay pit phobias at dog shows, school presentations, and local parades. After all, you can't be too-too petrified of a pit donning sailor garb at San Francisco Pride. Apart from assuaging community f , BAD RAP eagerly sniffs out legit pit lovers who are dogged about adopting one of their socialized, house-trained, microchipped, spayed-neutered, and online-profiled sweeties. But before you stock up on pooper bags and chew toys, you've gotta prove your pit savviness by acing an interview, reference check, and home safety screening. Whether you fear 'em or revere 'em, bullies are just a part of life, and their rap is only as bad as you make it.

www.badrap.org

BEST BRANCH FOR BROWSERS

All the free wi-fi you or your homework assignments require without an accidental caffeine overdose, the purchase of a guilt muffin ("Just give me a blueberry something"), or constant elbows in your neck? As long as you're not perusing porn, the West Portal Public Library is a quiet and well-lit alternative to the coffeehouse rush when you need some connectivity, pronto and gratis. Other things we love about this particular branch: there's a Muni stop right next door, and the neighborhood offers pretty decent food options if you're here for the long haul. When you take a break to stretch, check out the library's amazing international DVD collection (from Bollywood to Russian spy flicks and anime) or chat - in hushed tones, of course - with the staff in one of the eight languages spoken here. Recent renovations modernized the building without obliterating most of its original 1939 charm; original wood shelving and stenciled ceilings were restored, while new skylights and an elevator were installed to offer more natural light and accessibility to all.

190 Lenox Way, SF. (415) 355-2886, sfpl.lib.ca.us/librarylocations/branches/westportal.htm

BEST MUSIC TO OUR EARS

Sixty-five midsize car hoods, 60 hollowed-out French doors, dozens of old circuit boards, 3,000 plastic water bottles, and a massive steel frame painted International Orange, just like the Golden Gate Bridge. Put them all together, and you have the majestic piece of recycled architecture that is the Panhandle Bandshell, a visionary yet temporary transformation of trash near Clayton Street. The ecoconscious mad artists of the Finch Mob and Rebar collectives - working with the Burning Man-born Black Rock Arts Foundation's Scrap Eden Project and CMG Site Architecture (so don't worry, it won't fall down) - labored for months to bring to life this creation: an outdoor acoustic performance space that is open to everyone, performers and audiences alike. The builders of this surprisingly graceful and acoustically impressive structure aim to educate onlookers about the possibilities of reuse and community. And already the community seems to love reusing it; the performance schedule is filling up fast. But you better listen quick - the band shell is permitted only through the end of summer, after which it will be relocated or, we hope, have its stay extended.

Panhandle near Clayton, SF. www.panhandlebandshell.com

BEST SLAP IN THE FACE OF CAPITALISM (PLUS OLD AEROBICS VIDEOS)

So you don't believe in capitalism and want to clear out all that stuff that's been sitting in your garage for years. You could sell it, but wouldn't you rather find some way to get it off your hands without being a part of the system of exploitation that has plagued humanity for so long? Well, friend, you're in luck. On the last Saturday of every month, dozens of like-minded anarchists, hipsters, and community activists gather in Dolores Park to share goods, food, services, and stories at the Really Really Free Market. The slogan says it all: "No money, no barter, no trade. Everything is free. Really." Expect to find a veritable thrift store's worth of clothing, CDs, cassettes, the occasional vinyl, books, zines, DVDs, household goods, food for all dietary types, free massages and yoga, good conversation, and the knowledge that, for at least a couple of hours a month, you're part of a community that doesn't rely on commerce to function.

www.reallyreallyfree.org

Editor's Picks

BEST VIEWS BEFORE LIFTOFF

BEST CONSERVATIONIST OF PRECIOUS RESOURCES

BEST WASH 'N' FOLD ART

BEST HYPERINTELLECTUAL SHOW-AND-TELL

BEST PUBLIC MINDSCAPE SCULPTOR

BEST PARANORMAL SLEUTHS

BEST EMERGENCY TUNEAGE

BEST SCHOOL OF THE ROCKIN'EST

BEST CHANCE OF GETTING BITTEN BY (OR SMITTEN WITH) A VAMPIRE

BEST WHETTER FOR YOUR WüSTHOFS

BEST GREEN PACKAGE TOUR

BEST NIMBLE THIMBLES

BEST HEIR TO FERLINGHETTI

BEST SOMA SPA OASIS

BEST PLACE TO STASH YOUR RELATIVES

BEST GLITZ DEPOT

BEST HOME DELIVERY

BEST PIMPED-OUT PET PALACE

BEST SPICE OF LIFE

BEST HUMAN BODY SHOP

BEST TURF UNITY

BEST AURAL TRANSPORTER

BEST RITZY SUDS

BEST LOW-EMISSIONS TRANSMISSION

BEST NAP SPECIALISTS

BEST PIT LOVE

BEST BRANCH FOR BROWSERS

BEST MUSIC TO OUR EARS

BEST SLAP IN THE FACE OF CAPITALISM (PLUS OLD AEROBICS VIDEOS)