March 18 2003

DEAR ANDREA: Are you aware the female has an "A" (anterior fornex erogenous) spot next to her G-spot? Dr. Tracy Cox describes it well in her book Hot Sex: How to Do It. Also, Tara Barker, who writes for a British women's magazine, describes it in her book The Woman's Book of Orgasm: A Guide to the Ultimate Sexual Pleasure. Personal usage on my lady friends shows that it is there and they like having it stroked manually.

While online I came across the Sinclair Sex Institute, which described a Singaporean doctor's reference to both an A-spot and an X-spot. Returning to its site shows it has been revised and the info removed. I'm looking for references to the X-spot, which I recall also seeing as the "mystery spot." The location was listed as to the left of the G-spot and lower. The A-spot was listed as being located to the right of the G-spot but closer to the cervix.

I feel others may be interested in your reply.

Love, Spot-Hunter

Dear Spot: Eh, maybe. I hate to tell you this, but your letter – and indeed this entire subject – is nowhere near as interesting as you think it is. Not to me, and not to most people who possess or enjoy the parts in question.

Look, you're very earnest, and I'm even willing to wager that you show your "lady friends" a very good time. No, I mean it – partners who pay that much attention to what's where and what happens when they get there are usually worth a tumble. But Spot, my man, you have got to lighten up.

Everyone who's any use on the subject has tried to explain this to you treasure hunters, but we never seem to get anywhere. The G-spot is not actually a "spot" but a region of sensitivity toward the front and top of the vagina, composed of some glands, some erectile tissue, and a bunch of leftover clitoris leading back into the body. These are fascinating structures, so interesting on their own that their complexity needn't be exaggerated to merit notice and even awe.

Some women are more sensitive right at the front, others closer to the cervix; some just aren't that sensitive anywhere near there. That's it. Everything else is semantics (or maybe cartography), ways to identify and name what's already there. There's only one reason I can think of to insist that there is now an X-File or a Mystery House slightly to the right of what was there before: to sell books.

And while there are apparently infinite ways to describe what's there (G-spot, paraurethral sponge, Skenes's glands, orgasmic platform ...), basically we're talking about maybe five inches of real estate. There isn't room for an X-, Y-, and Z-spot, and every woman's would be unique anyway, if she had them. "To the left of the G-spot and lower"? Are you kidding? There's only one source for such precisely detailed instructions, and she's shipped without a manual.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: My wife (she's from Italy) and I have been together for 12 years. Recently she started to grow her underarm hair (a lot of European women do this). When I first met her, she had some hair there at times, but mostly she shaved it. I always expressed my preference for shaved gently, and I think she shaved for my benefit. So now she has told me she wants to keep it there because it itches and causes a rash when she shaves. I do not feel like I have any right to argue otherwise. It's her body. It takes a lot of energy for me to try to ignore all that hair, and I am concerned that I just won't get used to it. I try to keep myself in a condition that I know she appreciates, and I wonder if there is an alternative to shaving or those chemical creams that could spare her the discomfort. I guess I should be glad she doesn't have a mustache.

Love, Hairbrained

Dear Brained: Well, to be fair, you knew she was European and at least intermittently hairy when you married her; indeed, you should be grateful she doesn't (yet) have a mustache. I'm tempted just to say "you're screwed" and move on to the next letter, but I'm not that mean.

If she wants to be rid of the hair but hates shaving and creams, there is waxing (lasts a few weeks) and lasering (lasts at least a few years, maybe more). You may offer to escort her to those treatments and to pick up the bill. There's also simple trimming, which may be the best solution of all under the circumstances. Just understand that none of this info is worth jack if she likes her pits the way they are. Then you really are screwed, and nothing I can say or do will help you.

Love, Andrea