DEAR ANDREA: I'm a 24-year-old male handicapped with cerebral palsy and completely dependent on others for my care. I was born with an abnormally high sex drive. Since I was nine years old, I have masturbated three times a week or more. Up until now I have masturbated alone; however, it sometimes gets quite frustrating to masturbate to ejaculation by myself. Can I request the "hands" of my aide to help me, or would that be construed as sexual harassment?

Love, Polite but Frustrated

Dear Po: While your muscle control may not be normal, your sexuality is. Judging by your masturbation schedule, you are a perfectly representative example of young American manhood, but no, you may not ask your aide for anything of the kind. Personal attendants are employees, and I can't think of a clearer example of sexual harassment than asking an employee to jack you off.

This does not mean, necessarily, that you are doomed to eternal frustration. I can think of many options that wouldn't require overstepping the bounds of propriety. There are masturbation toys that require less strength and coordination than the manual method, and there are, of course, professionals. While a prostitute is working for money, she isn't really working for you. The last time I checked, it was considered perfectly polite to ask one to perform sexual favors.

If you require assistance to order toys from a catalog or to contact a prostitute, your aide may be willing to provide it, but you must give him or her the option to refuse to become (even faintly) involved in your sex life, without fear of reprisal. In this instance, asking a friend for help isn't such a bad idea.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: I hope I'm wrong, but I think men are giving up on sex these days. Seems to me that over the past several years, men have gone from "sex is good" to "sex is bad," except with themselves or when drunk. What's going on? I just moved to San Francisco, and the guys here seem pretty sensitive and intellectual, which is nice, but they treat sex like an abstract concept to be pondered over some Napa Valley wine. What happened? Has there been a mass alien abduction of available straight men and no one clued me in?

I'm not looking to be thrown to the ground on first sight, but some demonstration of passion or feeling would be welcome. Are flirting, teasing, and wordplay completely passé here? I work around gobs of available, interesting, straight men who compliment me and chat very comfortably but who seem completely frightened of the "s" thing or even just the dating thing. Help!

Love, Miss Ready

Dear Miss: Where are you working? Is there really a hidden vein of straight, available men somewhere in San Francisco? Female seekers around here complain incessantly that all the attractive men are gay or partnered or both.

I don't believe that today's men have adopted "sex is bad" as a platform. I do believe they've adopted "sexual harassment is bad," though. These men want to keep their jobs. No way are they going to flirt with you beneath those glaring fluorescent lights and the beady stare of humor-impaired supervisors and quisling coworkers. You will have to drag them someplace safer, where they can admit to having testosterone without getting sued.

If you want these boys to show a little spark, you will have to set an example. Why not institute a Friday-night bacchanal, preferably at a place offering karaoke and all-you-can-guzzle umbrella drinks? Do not get soused and fall out of your dress, but do behave in a brave, blithe, and carefree manner, making it obvious that you are not the sort of girl who is offended by chest hair or the occasional double entendre.

Today's men have been terrorized into believing that a show of romantic interest is a form of sexual assault. This may be an improvement over the olden days, when they were encouraged to grab you by the ass and call you "little lady," but it does sometimes appear that things have tilted just a little too far in the other direction. These are probably perfectly serviceable guys, with plenty of passion bubbling away beneath their Tommy Hilfiger shirts. They're just kind of skittish, and who can blame them? If you have to get them drunk to get them past their everything-is-forbidden programming, so what? Chances are some of them will still be interested after they sober up.

Love, Andrea

E-mail Andrea Nemerson at andrea@altsexcolumn.com.