Sex and Romance

By Annalee Newitz

O cool, grey city of love!
-George Sterling, 1920

If sex has any future at all in the United States, it will surely be in San Francisco. Certainly there is no hope for sex to survive the decade in Arkansas, where sex toys are illegal; nor is there much cause for erotic anticipation in New York, where Christopher Hitchens writes that blow jobs are great largely because they plug up women's mouths. At least in our city we know that strap-on dildos can go between anybody's lips — even those of neocon journalists.

San Francisco has always been on the cutting edge of sexuality. Perhaps this is because it was an "instant city" — its population jumped from 5,000 in 1849 to over 100,000 in 1865 — and therefore had no institutionalized old-fashioned notions about itself. In the mid-19th century, high-society whores like Belle Cora and Ah Toy demonstrated that women here could be both sexually open and politically influential. (Of course, women who held leadership roles in the temperance-oriented Committees of Vigilance proved that women could also be powerful without sleeping around.)

In the early 20th century San Francisco attracted adventurous bohemians from all over the world. They were aspiring agitators who had read Frank Norris's progressive novels or artists who romanticized the Barbary Coast, with its polyglot populations and Wild West moral standards. George Sterling, a frequent performer at early Bohemian Grove events, was the poet-libertine at the heart of many literary gatherings during that time. According to one story, Sterling and his cohort were visited in 1909 by the socialist writer Upton Sinclair, author of The Jungle, who was so appalled by the decadence of the group that he fled back to the East Coast.

The beats, avid romantics in their own right, were drawn to San Francisco later in the century for the same reasons Sinclair rejected it. In North Beach the transcendent theories behind beat literature could be put into practice — love was unshackled from convention and set free to run rampant in the same-sex and interracial romances for which the beats were notorious.

The city, a thriving port, also sheltered a constantly shifting population of sailors and temporary workers. Sexual historian Gayle Rubin traces the South of Market queer leatherboy culture back to these groups of young men, far from the restraints of family and home, who created an underground sexual community that lasted for decades.

You'd think the historical ingredients of powerful women unafraid of sex, romantic bohemians, and tons of frisky queer boys would have been enough to make San Francisco the sexual capital of the country. But what really turned the city into a haven for smart hedonists was money. Built on boom-and-bust economic swings since the first gold rush in 1849, San Francisco has often been buoyed by waves of cash and so have its sexual innovators. The beats arrived during a postwar boom, and so did the hippie free lovers of the late 1960s. All the spare cash rattling around in the local economy meant that more young people could go to college instead of entering the workforce right away. That meant time to experiment with living in communes, trying out homosexuality, or even just having premarital sex.

And once those hippie kids grew up to be professional middle-class types, some kept their alternative sexual values intact. They gave money to nonprofits devoted to sexuality, like San Francisco Sex Information and the LGBT Center. They bought expensive luxury sex toys at Good Vibrations and Blowfish and were willing to pay professional dominants and sex therapists to help them work out their "issues." San Francisco's kink outlaws may not all be rich, but many can eke out a living thanks to the generosity of wealthy (and naughty) patrons.

During the dot-com boom, a whole new stream of cash found its way into San Francisco's sexual underground. College grads with six-figure salaries paid top dollar for sex workers, held erotic raves in their downtown lofts, and bought oodles of corsets and floggers from high-end fetish shops like Mr. S and Stormy Leather. BDSM became chic, as did high-tech sex toys inspired by the Internet economy. At its peak, the dot-com era nearly strangled the subcultures that so many dot-commies loved. The city was so expensive that artists and perverts were driven out into the suburbs. But when the bust came, San Francisco's sexual pioneers returned — and many of them still had connections to the wealthy few who’d made a killing on the Web.

For a glimpse of the sexual future, you need only survey San Francisco's present. A great deal of the city's sex life is tied up in technology: The city is home to incredibly successful online porn companies like Kink.com, whose blend of raunch and sex positivity makes its network of Web sites (including the wondrous Fuckingmachines.com and Hogtied.com) just plain hot. Erotic entertainment Web portal ErosGuide.com is headquartered here. And many of the city's brick-and-mortar sex toy and fetishwear companies do a brisk business online.

We also use the Web to export our values to the world. Local sex geeks like podcaster Violet Blue and the hipsters behind GayPornBlog.com guide the rest of the country toward what's best in the world of sex. But at the same time we're cooking up local, nontech sexual cultures that are a bit too avant-garde for national consumption. The Center for Sex and Culture, a nonprofit founded by untiring sex activists Carol Queen and Robert Lawrence, hosts regular events and daring parties. Its lovely downtown space houses a library and a large performance area that's been used by everyone from academics lecturing on sexual demographics to geeks who want to experiment with erotic electricity play.

San Francisco is ground zero of the polyamory movement , which seeks to make monogamy only one option among many for romantic relationships. And we're certainly the only city in the country where the Pride March has spawned its own grassroots critique in the form of Gay Shame. Even the Dyke March has become too mainstream for many queers here. Meanwhile, the Trans March has arisen as a more grassroots expression of nonconformist genders and desires.

We've always been a do-it-yourself city. San Francisco's founders — immigrants, refugees, criminals, dreamers — built this place out of the muck and fog in 15 short years. They ripped gold out of the ground, and they fucked and drank like the looters they were. Our sex lives in San Francisco are so fantastically unconventional because this is still a town where looting and building rule. Only these days we loot the culture around us, mining it for ideas about how to build a future full of gender mashups and sexual experiments so wild they'll make folks like San Francisco's body-piercing master Fakir blush.

It's true I may never live to possess my very own detachable human-tissue penis with neural ports, invented by some well-funded biotech perv working at the UCSF Mission Bay campus. But I do have access to half a dozen classes on how to use my artisanal Vixen strap-on, and parties full of cuties where I can try it out. What I've got today in San Francisco is enough — and it's far more than what most US citizens will ever have.

Editor's Picks

BEST NONPORNOGRAPHIC GAY PORN PODCAST

Sure, we think we know gay porn stars from their endless stream of movies. But what about the souls beneath the musculature and tattoos? What do gay porn stars think about? What are they thinking about right now? Gay porn stars are people too! Curious about the thoughts behind the grunts, young technophiliac whippersnapper Joseph Fenity launched PornStarsTalk.com, which podcasts his one-on-one interviews with such erotic luminaries as Michael Brandon, Michael Lucas, and Michael Soldier (Michael is the new Travis). While he may not delve much into their individual psychologies, Fenity definitely gets good quotes from them about the business and life in the greasy spotlight. Plus, it's kind of hilarious to hear an enthusiastic underage twink pin these musclemen down — with incisive queries, of course.

www.pornstarstalk.com

BEST WAY TO DO IT ON A JUMBOTRON

You've met nothing but dorks at work, drunks at the bar, sluts at parties, crazies online, and rejects through friends and family. Not that there's anything wrong with any of the above — your problem is that you've slept your way through all of them. (You've only got seven square miles to work with here, after all.) But there's a treasure trove of body-painted freaks, stat-studying geeks, suds-swilling sots, and randy jocks right under your nose: at Singles Night at AT&T Park. Organizers play Cupid by doling out an equal number of tickets for men and women (there's a separate night for LGBTs), and they even stagger seating to ensure social mixing. And that's not all they stagger: The ticket package comes with a nonoptional alcoholic beverage. And if you eventually decide to set up a home team with the Giants fan of your dreams, you’ll be happy to know that a scoreboard message to go with that engagement ring in the Crackerjack box is a mere $125.

Upcoming events: Singles Night, Sept. 8; LGBT Night, Sept. 12, 24 Willie Mays Plaza, SF. (415) 972-1800, www.giants.mlb.com

BEST STICKY CELLULOID

"Vintage" has a special meaning when it comes to porn. It means ’70s. It means cokeheads with tan lines and pneumatic-yet-still-plausible boobs. It means "classic," baby. So grab a low-browed loved one and ooze down to Bad Porn Night at the Dark Room Theatre (third Wednesdays, 8 p.m.) to indulge in some MST3K-style commentary, free popcorn, and low-budget porn in the company of strangers who may soon know more about your inclinations than you wish to divulge. With a rotating cast of comic presenters tossing one-liners and sound effects at the slippery bodies on-screen, it's easy to be swept up in the moment and add your own words of wisdom or strategic snickers to the mix. The Dark Room discourages Paul Reubens imitations out of legal necessity (although they do celebrate Paul Reubens Day), but the consumption of BYO alcohol is permitted, and reenactments of the action at home are a somewhat hoped-for conclusion.

2263 Mission, SF. (415) 401-7987, www.darkroomsf.com

BEST PARLIAMENT OF PERVERTS

There used to be a half dozen erotic readings in San Francisco, and now only one remains to carry the sexy standard. Luckily, Sizzle Erotic Open Mic, the monthly series at feminist art space Femina Potens, is up to the challenge. In the past 18 months, Sizzle has already featured many of the city's erotic illuminati, from Carol Queen to Greta Christina. But it's also featured many literary icons who've delved into the smut ’specially for the occasion. Wisely, organizer Tina Butcher keeps the show diverse and unpredictable, sometimes programming burlesque acts, erotic films, and hip-hop and acoustic guitar performances in addition to spoken erotica. The event is geared toward women and trans folk, but anyone can erotically rock the open mic. Come prepared for skin-tingling sexuality, but also for breathtaking insights.

465 S. Van Ness, SF. (415) 217-9340, www.feminapotens.com

BEST WAY TO DOWN YOUR DATE'S DOG

The Cramps once asked, "Can your pussy do the dog?" How about your date? The only way to find out what either is capable of is to put them to the test. For the adventurous on their feet (and hands), AcroYoga, a roving partner yoga class, combines elements of traditional yoga, massage, and acrobatics for a rollicking, sweaty, good-for-you good time. Students are usually hotties, so even if you don't have your own partner, this might be a good place to score one who's physically fit, open to new experiences, and not afraid to stand on their head or wrap their legs around themselves with unheard-of elegance.

www.acroyoga.org

BEST SEX PARTY FOR CYCLISTS

OK, so no one's doing it on the tabletops, but here's hoping. If you're lonesome for love during the High Hallmark Holiday, saddle up and cruise the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition's Love on Wheels party, a fun annual Valentine's Day event where single cyclists are encouraged to meet, find someone sweet, and y'know, do what they wanna do. If you're fool enough to bike this city's hills, the least you can do is channel your puffing and panting into something worthwhile. Check out buff legs capable of tackling mini-mountains. Scope the stamina-laden smorgasbord of unattached San Franciscans, straight and queer. Throw your hat into the ring as a lucky contestant in the dating game — audience participation heartily encouraged — and win a dream date with a two-wheeled hottie packing some mighty nice panniers. Wallflowers can just watch or compose personal ads to win sexy prizes. All revved up and nowhere to go? Put those endorphins to work!

www.sfbike.org/?love

BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A POET

Ever since speech became song or vice versa, poets have been spearheading social movements, from ancient Greece to hip-hop nation. In San Francisco, poets on the vanguard of change have long been speaking their truth to the people in cafés, dive bars, bookstores, and in the open air. For the past two years, the Collaborative Arts Insurgency has been taking over one of the Mission's more unsavory street corners on a weekly basis, performing impassioned spoken word and experimental acoustic music to whomever strolls by — friends, neighbors, junkies, unsuspecting BART commuters. As the debate about reclaiming public space becomes more heated, and often less than hopeful, it's refreshing to stop by and pass the time with people who have been going about their reclamation with a minimum of hassle and a surfeit of joy. Buy a 40-ouncer at the nearby liquor store, cozy up to the crowd, and let love, life, and the poetry flow.

Thursdays, 9:30 p.m., 16th Street and Mission, outside the 16th Street BART station, SF

BEST FLAMIN' HOT CIRCUS FREAKS

Where the hell did these fiery, funky, fabulous people come from? In the two years since the group was brought to life by director-choreographers Michael and Shannon Gaines, the Vau de Vire Society has exploded onto the San Francisco scene and beyond, leaving audiences as awed as they are titillated. Part circus act, part fire-dance troupe, part acrobats, part burlesque dancers, part burner freaks, the group has borrowed from San Francisco’s rich artistic traditions and created something truly original. Smokin' hot and talented just on their own, the Vires have taken their shtick to new levels with some sick creative collaborations: with the Dresden Dolls on New Year's Eve at Sea of Dreams, aboard the Supperclub float with Crystal Method at last year's Love Parade, alongside the San Francisco Symphony with The Nightingale, and in an epic "crossing the line" ceremony with Fishbone aboard last fall's Xingolati cruise. Oh yeah, and did we mention they're sexy?

www.vaudeviresociety.com

BEST ROMANTIC ROLLER-DATE

So you pick up a cute guy or girl on skates in Golden Gate Park, and it turns out they’re really, really into roller-skating. You have a date Saturday night and want to impress them with your combined love of little wheels and intimate knowledge of San Francisco. Head to the Palace of Fine Arts, just outside the Exploratorium, and voila! — your own private nighttime roller derby under the Palace's dome. As you work up a sweat to ward off the chilly fog blowing off the bay, you’re likely to encounter only the occasional couple strolling along the perimeter of the Palace and down to the lake's edge. They look happy and in love, but you're on roller skates, so there. Your roller-mate will swoon over the moonlit beauty as the two of you smoothly traverse the city's finest remnant from the San Francisco World's Fair.

3301 Lyon, SF. (415) 563-6504, www.palaceoffinearts.org

BEST OCCASION TO EITHER PROPOSE TO OR GET RID OF YOUR LOVER

Talk about picturesque. Really, what could be more ideal than you and your lover floating on the still beauty of Sausalito’s Richardson Bay in a kayak during one of Sea Trek’s full-moon paddles, the luminescence of the full moon your only companion. Languidly paddling past artistic houseboats established by the likes of Ginsberg, Huxley, and Silverstein, you can take in the sunset-silhouetted Mt. Tamalpais, topping the experience off with top-notch fish tacos and blue agave margaritas. No kayaking know-how? No problem. All gear and training, as well as dinner and a (nonalcoholic) drink, are included in a neat $95 package. The full-moon trips are only offered once a month, obviously, although Sea Trek offers a variety of other day and weekend trips. (Early reservations are recommended, especially in the summer months.) And unlike at a crowded French restaurant, if the light of your life rebukes your love, leaving you in a passionate fit of rage, there's always a backup plan ... (We at Best of the Bay are obviously joking — please don't sue us.)

Schoonmaker Point, Sausalito. (415) 488-1000, www.seatrekkayak.com

BEST OVEREXPOSED TITS

Just how did the chest of Tiffany Cousins get to be so damned famous? It's a story so convoluted it must be true. Being the reppin' SF native she is, Cousins had " San Francisco" tattooed in an old English font over her belly button. Well-known local painter Sam Flores got wind of this and started planning a painting. To this end, Cousins asked photographer Dylan Maddux (www.dmaddux.com) — her upstairs neighbor — to take a photo for Sam to work from. When Dylan asked what the photo would be of, she raised her shirt to reveal the twins. Photo session: on. The snap of a shirtless, headless Tiff was run in local zine Hamburger Eyes, number 10. At this point, Andy Caufield of FTC skateboarding shop on Haight got together with Maddux to do a shirt for I Remember, his clothing line with Brian Fox. Dylan chose the photo of Tiff's grand tetons, which has now been through two print runs for a total of about 500 shirts. In addition to selling in skate shops from San Francisco to Seattle to North Carolina, the shirts are being printed again, this time for shops in Japan. From a Mardi Gras "hey, look at these" moment, through the SF art and skate underground, to the streets of Shibuya: How these tits have traveled!

Shirts available at FTC, 1632 Haight, SF. (415) 626-0663, www.ftcskate.com

BEST HOT TXT 4U

Succumb to the passion of the moment, sure. Spontaneity is one of the more potent aphrodisiacs, and when your pulse is racing, your lower lip atremble ... well, carpe diem, dear friend! Except. What about all those STDs? What about protection? "Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, hepatitis, HPV, HIV, my darling." Say it three times fast. Whisper it lovingly in the ear of your would-be paramour. If they insist they’re "disease free," note that many early symptoms of the aforementioned are, in fact, invisible. And if you need to know more about prevention, quick, just zip up and whip out your cellie, baby. Thanks to the San Francisco Department of Public Health, there's now SexInfo, which offers quick ’n' e-z STD and other sex info for the txt-msg generation. Get in the know by sending the text message SEXINFO to (917) 957-4280 on MetroPCS phones or 36617 on all other cell phones.

www.sextextsf.org

BEST SEX HUB

"What's Magnet?" we always hear people asking when they pass this intriguing loungelike space in the Castro. And indeed, despite the marquee above the door announcing its many missions and events, Magnet may indeed be too much for people to comprehend all at once. It's an STD-testing clinic, a drop-in counseling center, a performance space, a safer-sex info hub, a place to just hang ... and a lot more, but even we can't keep up with all the stuff it offers. A new kind of community center, one devoted to education and support of the sexually active in a positive, nonclinical atmosphere, Magnet's also got the goods for folks suffering from addiction, in need of emotional connection with others, or just looking to play safe and enjoy their sexuality. If we had our way, there'd be a Magnet on every block.

4122 18th St., SF. (415) 581-1600, www.magnetsf.org

BEST DYKES UNDER THE COVERS

We're the kind of folks who like to lick their fingers when they turn the page, and Cleis Press gives us plenty to lick our fingers about. Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women's Erotica, Best Bisexual Women's Erotica, Best Black Women's Erotica, Daughters of Darkness: Lesbian Vampire Tales, After Midnite: True Lesbian Erotic Confessions — could it get any hotter and steamier? This local press, started in 1980 by lesbian legends Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste, is a powerhouse of juicy tales. Cleis also puts out a number of erotic books targeted at gay men, as well as publishing important and finger-licking fiction, comics, gender studies, art and photography, and queer history titles as well. Recent releases include Best Sex Writing 2006, The Queer Encyclopedia of Film and Television, and Hot Gay Erotica. Our cup runneth over.

1-800-780-2279, www.cleispress.com

BEST FUZZY SUBSTITUTE FOR A LOVER

Not so long ago, in a spooky old castle, Dr Frankenstuff created a race of creatures stitched together from the abandoned parts of stuffed animals — creatures with, say, the body of a monkey, the tail of an alligator, the arms of an octopus, the head of an elephant, and maybe an alien's face for a booty. The sum became more than the parts, the incredibly lovable Transjanimals came to life (cue blast of thunder and streak of lightning), and, like many loveable things, they're for sale. These cuddle-size beings are all handcrafted and come with their own individual background stories and names (Mookie, Snappy, Doofus ...), kind of like the Cabbage Patch Kids, but a lot less horrifying looking. What's more, they're perfect to squeeze on those lonely nights. Think of them as all the best bits of your ex-lovers chopped off and sewn together into something actually likable. Now, doesn't that feel better?

www.transjanimals.com

BEST GAY PORN STUDIO NAME

Falcon seems fussy, Bel Ami and Hothouse too cute, and Treasure Island — well, that's just weird. And while Titan gives us a few giggles, our favorite funny gay porn studio name (don’t even get us started on gay porn star names) has definitely got to be Raging Stallion, the local up-and-comer that provides quite a few other raging things as well. Started by homo-hotness impresarios Chris Ward and JD Slater (the latter also composes all the music), Raging Stallion swept the GayVN Awards — the Oscars of gay porn — this year with its new release Arabesque and is currently backing rising-star director and scene sensation Ben Leon's efforts. Best of all, its pay-per-view Web site is called Rear Stable. Whoa, nellies!

www.ragingstallion.com

BEST CHORUS OF ROMANTIC YELPS

What could be more romantic than the soothing barks of a hundred sea lions? That may sound snarky, but you might become convinced that their staccato yelps are the perfect soundtrack to amour as they weave their cacophonous spell of enchantment around you near Seal Rock Inn, San Francisco's only oceanfront hotel. Located by the Cliff House and Ocean Beach, it can get kind of touristy, but spots like this are the perfect urban getaway, especially when you want to woo the honey. Seal Rock Inn has a restaurant on the premises and offers rooms at pretty reasonable rates, and the views are out of this world. So are the alien calls of the residents of nearby Seal Rock, the ideal seasonal repose for slicked-up aquatic mammals. After you take in the wildlife, take your sweetie back to your room and get a little wild on your own.

545 Point Lobos, SF. 1-888-732-5762 www.sealrockinn.com

BEST OVERNIGHTER RIGHT ON THE WATER

Bazillionaires vacation on private islands, sipping champagne and feasting on the sights that we just dream about. But if you're in the mood to splurge, surprise your sweetie and jaunt across the bay for an enchanted night at the East Brother Light Station, our very own paradise island. A small romantic B&B on a three-quarter-acre island right offshore from Richmond, on the straits between the San Francisco and San Pablo bays, this place is unforgettably cute. You can wine and dine in the cozy restored Victorian within a 130-year-old working lighthouse, spot seals lounging on nearby West Brother Island, and climb the light tower to savor panoramic views of Mt. Tam, Angel Island, downtown San Francisco, and a lot of little islands you've probably never heard of. Wake up to the rhythm of the waves, the cries of seagulls, and the bittersweet realization that you eventually have to go home.

117 Park Place, Point Richmond. (510) 233-2385, www.ebls.org

Editor's Picks

BEST NONPORNOGRAPHIC GAY PORN PODCAST

BEST WAY TO DO IT ON A JUMBOTRON

BEST STICKY CELLULOID

BEST PARLIAMENT OF PERVERTS

BEST WAY TO DOWN YOUR DATE'S DOG

BEST SEX PARTY FOR CYCLISTS

BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A POET

BEST FLAMIN' HOT CIRCUS FREAKS

BEST ROMANTIC ROLLER-DATE

BEST OCCASION TO EITHER PROPOSE TO OR GET RID OF YOUR LOVER

BEST OVEREXPOSED TITS

BEST HOT TXT 4U

BEST SEX HUB

BEST DYKES UNDER THE COVERS

BEST FUZZY SUBSTITUTE FOR A LOVER

BEST GAY PORN STUDIO NAME

BEST CHORUS OF ROMANTIC YELPS

BEST OVERNIGHTER RIGHT ON THE WATER